I Cannot Forgive


My heart becomes weak
when I think of what you
must’ve been through.

I cry.
I gringe.
My body quivers.

I cannot forgive.
I am a prisoner.

I know I must to live.
I’ll be a prisoner.


Weekly Challenge: Ghosts of December 23rds



I try really hard to keep from becoming a “Bah humbug” around this time. I find myself painting a happy face for everyone else but inside feeling a black hole somewhat.  I’m a true Charlie Brown Christmas!  For those who know me may understand a little,  but especially those who do not are in for a surprise.  This is me.

It is not just December 23rds past, but December 23rds…period!  I truly do love December and Christmas time in general.  But I have reinvented it to be something more of a spiritual, Jesus-driven journey for me.  I find great satisfaction focusing on my Savior and his glory then all the commercial Christmas.  It seems to get more difficult every year because retailers are trying so hard to shove it into our faces sooner.   It is difficult at times because my husband is quite the opposite.  He loves the shopping, lights, decorations, Santa pictures, and I’m just like tagging along.  At any rate, we do enjoy it all for our kids and family but it is still not the same for me.  I don’t think I am truly understood.

I lost my father to Lou Gehrig’s Disease 7 years ago this year in August.  He was the rock and glue for my family.  My already small family is very separated in that we siblings live far from each other.  While my mom lives with me which I am so happy, I think we both feel the same at times.  We express it differently but it’s there.  So holidays are difficult for me.  We all spent more time together when Dad was alive.  I miss him, we miss him.  Especially on December 23rds.